I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
