apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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