I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The adults are the big ones right?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
