Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
