I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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