Banned from zoo.
Again?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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