we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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