Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I could make wine with my vomit
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
