love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
