if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
