Betty ford says i'm here all night
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
