biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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