Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
