could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
