I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm determined to sit on that face.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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