I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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