I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
