I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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