Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
worst night to have a conscience
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
