Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
