My sheets look like a crime scene.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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