I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
