but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
