Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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