I think my fart just growled at me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
