All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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