A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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