I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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