my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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