Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
