Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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