My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
