was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
