Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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