Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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