I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
now i know why i became what i already was.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
