dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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