You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
