My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
