I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
