you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
