Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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