Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
