Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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