some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
