On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize