I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i out mim tonsoeep
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