oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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