I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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