Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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