i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
