it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
