East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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