I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Randomize