Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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