strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
