Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
