It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
