I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
