I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize