Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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