Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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