Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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