I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
