so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
