Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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