I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
