i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
