He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
