Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
