Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
