I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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