i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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