He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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